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There’s a quote I come back to often: “Excellence is the capacity to take pain.” It’s from Isadore Sharp, founder of the Four Seasons. The longer I’ve led teams and companies, the more I’ve realized how true that line is — not just in theory, but in practice.
We talk a lot about leadership in terms of vision, decisiveness and strategy. But the best leaders I know — the ones people would follow into the fire — have something else: the ability to absorb pain.
Absorbing pressure so others don’t have to
Leadership comes with pressure. That’s part of the job. But the best leaders don’t just manage that pressure, they shield their teams from it. They carry the emotional and strategic weight of uncertainty so others can stay focused and confident.
This isn’t about being a martyr; it’s about being a buffer. The kind of leader who makes complexity feel clear, even when it isn’t. The kind who gets the late-night call, makes the hard call or takes the blame when things go sideways — not because it’s easy, but because it protects the momentum of the team.
Michael Jordan’s 1997 “flu game” is a perfect example. He dropped 38 points while visibly sick during the NBA Finals — not for headlines, but because the team needed him to absorb that moment and lead through it. That same mindset exists in elite military leadership, where commanding officers often eat last, sleep less and lead from the front. It’s not performative — it’s principle.
In business, I’ve watched mentors step into brutal boardroom conversations, take heat from stakeholders and walk back into the office with poise. Not to hide the truth, but to keep teams from spinning out. That kind of leadership doesn’t show up on a resume — but it earns trust over time.
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Pain is inevitable, but the capacity for it is built
Absorbing pressure isn’t something you’re born with. It’s a capacity you build. And like any muscle, it grows through daily reps. That’s why doing hard things — on purpose, every day — is more than just a habit. It’s a mindset that shapes how leaders show up when it matters most.
The most effective leaders don’t wait for adversity to arrive before they build resilience. They train for it. Whether it’s cold showers, difficult conversations or time carved out for deep focus, they lean into discomfort as a form of preparation. They know that clarity in hard moments isn’t accidental — it’s earned through consistent, deliberate challenge.
Train for the moment before it arrives
There’s a quote attributed to a Navy SEAL saying, “You don’t rise to the occasion. You fall to the level of your training.” That line sticks with me because it’s brutally true.
When things go sideways — and they always do — you won’t magically summon strength. You’ll default to whatever you’ve practiced. If you’ve spent time building mental and emotional stamina through hard things, you’ll hold the line. If you haven’t, you’ll feel it fast.
That’s why I’ve taken inspiration from people like David Goggins, who talks openly about the value of putting yourself through voluntary hardship. He doesn’t do it for show. He does it to build a reservoir he can draw from when life stops being theoretical. And in leadership, that moment always comes.
Transforming uncertainty into action
Leadership often feels like standing at the edge of the unknown, being asked to decide before the picture is fully clear. In those moments, strength isn’t just about intellect — it’s about poise. Your team doesn’t need you to have all the answers. They need to believe you won’t flinch.
That’s where these two ideas converge: absorbing pain and doing hard things. One is the external result; the other is the internal engine. Absorbing pain without building capacity will burn you out. But if you make a habit of choosing the tougher path — leaning into friction instead of away from it — you’ll grow your ability to carry more and stay grounded while doing it.
I’m not perfect at this. But I’m consistent. I seek out small ways to challenge myself every day. I surround myself with people who don’t shy away from the hard stuff. And when uncertainty hits, I work to transform it into something actionable — making the complicated simple, and the overwhelming manageable.
Related: We Live in a Time of Constant Disruption — 3 Steps to Turn Uncertainty Into Opportunity
The real ROI of doing hard things
The biggest misconception about discomfort is that it’s inherently negative. I’d argue it’s a shortcut to clarity. When you make a habit of tackling the hard thing first — whether that’s a tough conversation, a strategic pivot or a new initiative — you build confidence in your own ability to handle what’s next. And over time, that confidence becomes contagious.
Teams don’t need perfect leaders; they need consistent ones. They need leaders who show up in the hard moments and don’t lose their center; leaders who turn pain into focus and uncertainty into movement; leaders who’ve trained for the moments others fear. That’s what I’m trying to build, one hard thing at a time.
